When Ruins Sing...

Where my faith and creativity collide! A freedom freelancer, prayerful painter and clarion for Christ.

A HISTORY OF PROSTITUTION

“For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it” (James 2:10)

 “Mercy triumphs over judgement.” (James 2:13b)

 

 In 2010 I went on my first mission trip to Brazil.  My 3 major take aways were: 

 1)Truth is Truth, in every language!  God’s Word speaks to the heart of HIS children, not just to move them “emotionally” but HIS Word produces action in HIS children.  “Moved” to “Move”!   I was “moved” by God and as a result, I “moved”.  I went to Brazil and shared the gospel and my testimony of God’s faithfulness in my life.

2)The universality of a Testimony, meaning no matter where you live or what language you speak, we have been, are in or are going into a season of  trials.   When the storm hits, and the “Test” begins, we can either “free fall” leading to bondage and chaos or we can “lap crawl” in to the arms of Jesus leading to Freedom and Peace!

3) It is good to have a translator:  “Everyone should be quick to listen , slow to speak…”(ref James 1:19)  When teaching in another country with a different language you obviously have to have a translator.  I would literally speak a sentence or 2 and then wait while my translator communicated the message to the students.  It truly made me give serious thought to each word I spoke,because as she was translating, God would be prayerfully crafting the next idea that HE placed on my heart.  I was 100% dependent on “Open your mouth wide and I will fill it”(Ps81:10).  HE showed up and proved faithful!  I pray I will be slower to speak in my native tongue:)

 

During a breakout session in Brazil ,where I was teaching on the “ministry of listening”,  I gave a portion of my own testimony.  In sharing our weaknesses God’s power is made perfect.  Being a teacher who “walks with a limp”(a term I gleaned from a Jesus mentor, Bob Warren)  helps others to see God’s amazing power and grace and they in turn believe that “God is not done with them yet!”  They begin to see that God welcomes and uses the crippled for HIS Glory and that their “limp” keeps them dependent on God! 

 

 As I was sharing, a beautiful matriarch of the church stood up in tears.  She began to speak.  She said that my testimony helped her to realize God was prompting her to share her story.  You see, this beautiful women had a history of prostitution that no one in her church knew about.  God had saved her from that life decades before and she had been living as a “new creation” in Christ for many years.  God had totally “restored to her the years that the locust had eaten” and given her a loving husband and family.  As the years of freedom began to outnumber the years of captivity she would occasionally feel a “nudge” to reach out to those who were living her “old life” but her husband, in a noble effort to protect her heart, would remind her that it was “too ugly” and that it would not do any good to “revisit the ugly years”.

 

In this miraculous moment, that I was blessed beyond belief to witness, I saw joy, wisdom, love and peace shine through the tears of revelation, revelation that God had prepared her for “such a time as this”.  She would “use her ugly”, let her “mistakes become her message” and her “misery become her ministry”.  “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God”(2 Cor. 1:3-4)

She committed in that moment to reach out to those who were in the captivity of prostitution with love of Jesus Christ, with the love that had saved and restored her.   No longer was she going to fear the rejection of man, but she was going to offer “mercy” over judgement and seek to please God and not this world.   She was “moved in her heart” by God  and when that happens, you can’t help but “move your feet” in response.  

 

When I heard her story I was stirred with compassion and awed by God.  When we read a story like this, we are able to see God’s hand and HIS mercy and it is easy for us to offer mercy, seeing how she should clearly embrace her “new identity”, while using her “old self” testimony to be a God Arrow for others.  BUT have you ever really considered how hard that would be in our “own humanness”, our own strength.  If God had really given us an opportunity for a “do-over” do we really think we would just stand up and share “our ugly” (and all believers in Christ Jesus have an “old ugly”)?  We say we do not put sins on a scale of “worst” and “better” but have you ever been tested on that personally?  I have and I failed!

 

I was given the opportunity to share this “God Moment” from Brazil with a group of over 200 women, from the pulpit in a large church sanctuary.  Little did I know that God was about to test me (remember that God tests us so that we learn and grow more into the likeness of HIS SON and we will continue to be tested in an area until we pass:)  In my effort to share this amazing testament to God’s Grace, I got my words a little jumbled, spoke a little to quickly to get in the “GOD MOMENT” before time ran out, and as I sat down, I realized that I had just told this “massive group of women(and women talk:) that “this matriarch in Brazil and I shared a history of prostitution”.  I resumed my seat next to a friend and white- faced asked her if what I said sounded like I was saying “I too had a history of prostitution” and she sheepishly answered “yes”!  I was horrified!  I had my own list of “Scarlet Letters” and now I had added one that wasn’t even on my list!   What could I do?  I could run back up there and grab the mic and explain myself; I could stand in the back and try and intercept every woman before they left the building and let them know that I “did not mean that I was a prostitute too”, or I could just let go and let GOD!

 

I have to admit that I cried when I left.  I was embarrassed and full of shame over something that wasn’t even true.  I called my  precious  husband and told him that I accidentally told a congregation of women that I had been a prostitute and he laughed.  I did not see the humor.  I wish that I could say that I heard my Sweet Savior’s voice immediately but I did not.  For days I wrestled with the sick feeling of what “others may think of me”.  I would have conversation after conversation in my head where I was given an opportunity to add a “foot note of clarity” to the message.  The enemy was doing a number in my mind and there was nothing I could do about it!  Where in the world was my faith?  I know all the right answers-“I can’t but GOD can-GOD, your husband and friends know the truth so who cares?  I obviously did  and THEN IT HAPPENED!  I began to hear Jesus over the voices in my head and this is what HE said:

 

“My sweet daughter, you will never be able to control what others think of you, true or not true.  Do you not believe that when I move into hearts I make them new?  Do you not believe that “sin is sin” and I do not see any sins as more or less sinful than another? “For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it.” (James 2:10) Maybe someone in that room needed to see someone get up and share something ugly in order to see that MY power is made perfect in “ugly”.  Your response to others thinking you had a “sorted” past tells ME that you still care what the world thinks over what I think.  I know the truth, remember I AM THE TRUTH!  Do you think that you are better than Rahab the prostitute whom I “CONSIDERED RIGHTEOUS for what she did when she gave lodging to the spies and sent them off in a different direction?”  Believe me NOW my fearfully and wonderfully made child!  “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old is gone, the new has come!”(2 Cor 5:17)  You are IN ME and so is that sweet Brazilian matriarch!  You both were once lost and doomed for death; but now you have ME, Christ, as your life and you are both destined for Heavenly eternity! So, in MY economy you actually do have a similar testimony and I get all the glory from both of your lives.  I love watching you walk in freedom!  Always remember the mercy which I have given you and be quick to extend mercy to others in MY NAME!  “…Mercy Triumphs over judgement”(James 2:13b) 

 

I learned my lesson!  There may be some women walking around my town that still believe a lie that I told on myself but I truly do not care.  I care about what MY JESUS thinks of me and HE thinks I am amazing!  HE thinks you are too!  HE does play favorites and we are all HIS favorites!  I want my life, all of it -the good, the bad, and “the ugly” to bring glory to HIS name.  I will never stop singing HIS praises.  HE loves me and HE loves you.  Whatever our mug shots say-“A history of ___________” fill in the blank, God will use it for good if we let HIM and many will be drawn to HIM because of it.   Remember “history” is “HIS-Story”! 

 

Dear Jesus,

 

Please forgive me for caring so much about what the world thinks.  Help me to see myself and others through YOUR EYES!  May I continue to walk in freedom and with a deep consciousness of YOU!   As I journey, please give me opportunities to share you, in word and deed.  Thank YOU for being TRUTH!  YOU set the standard!  May I be transformed by the renewing of my mind and may the meditations of my heart and the words of my mouth be pleasing in YOUR sight, Oh Lord, my ROCK and my Redeemer!  To God Be all the glory both now and forever.

GO GOD 

 

About Katie Wilson

Where my faith and creativity collide! A freedom freelancer, prayerful painter and clarion for Christ. #amwriting #Compel Forgiven and Free Living a life that says: COME AND SEE!

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