When Ruins Sing...

Where my faith and creativity collide! A freedom freelancer, prayerful painter and clarion for Christ.

Fear Fractured

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Fear is real; although, what we fear may not be. In other words, fear appears to be dictated by perception, NOT NECESSARILY REALITY.

Let me explain my thesis in light of personal experience.

It was 1996 and our lives were on the cusp of the great unknown. Nestled up in my safe, sweet-spot, spooning my husband (as much as you can spoon when eight months pregnant), I dozed intermittently between bathroom runs until 3 a.m.

The rains poured, the wind blew and the schnauzer slept. Weirdly, I often let my dog’s demeanor dictate mine. Therefore, my radar was down and the “spoon” was on.

Around the 3 a.m. mark, I noticed the dog’s upright posture before the motion sensors caught my eye. Locked in the bedroom of our 900 square foot house, I locked eyes with my watch dog, sat my GINORMOUS, pregnant self up and whispered to my snoring husband,

“Someone is in the house!”(hushed, freaking-out tone:)

“What, what, what …” (rubbing his eyes and rolling his head back and forth SLOWLY)

“The motion sensors are going crazy; the dog is hysterical (really just sitting up) and the intruder is knocking things around outside our door!”

“What? Are you sure?” (and more of the SLOW eye rubbing and weird head movement)

Blood boiling, hormones spasmodic,  and “almost-a-mama-I’m going to protect my unborn baby and this family no matter what” crazy busts out of the bed to save the night, since my husband IS STILL BASICALLY saying,

“what, what, what..” in a moronic stupor!

“Hello 911 we have an intruder …” then silence. The phone and fan turned off!

“Oh he_ _ (double hockey sticks) no! They are not going to kill me, my unborn baby, my dog, and my STILL LAYING IN THE BED HUSBAND!!”

At which point, the night-light comes back on and the phone rings.

By the time my husband had decided to make his first move toward the ringing phone, I had already jumped into action. I rapidly ripped my rings off and threw them under the sink, so the “killers” wouldn’t cut my hands off; I’d run to the closet and gotten a foot- stool, before he had even gotten the first word out to the 911 operator, who, by the way, was simply calling us back due to the line going dead in the short power outage.

Dog barking,

bodies falling,

glass breaking,

alarm now blaring

and blood spilling,

the 911 operator listened as the chaos unfolded.

2 officers appeared outside amid torrential rains, and fierce winds, typical tornado-like weather, when they noticed the broken window and the foot-stool in the back yard!

Jay pulled himself off the floor and calmly tried to pry my bloodied arms from the shattered window, the window he had RATIONALLY tried to unlock and open, before I mowed him over to shove a foot-stool through it, in an effort to escape our

one story,

900 foot,

thunderstorm encased

house!

All that to say, there was not a gang of mass-murderers in our castle!

My pregnant, protective hormones were running high; I was sleep deprived; it was dark and things were not what they appeared to be. The motion sensors were going off because there was a fierce storm outside and tree limbs were hitting the house.  There was absolutely no hysteria until my fearful-self took matters into her own hands. I misunderstood the scene, shouted and acted a fool, all based on my perceptions. The fear was real but the cause was a figment of my imagination!

Can we all agree the when we are fearful our filters tend to fracture?

 

…During the fourth watch of the night, Jesus went out to them, walking on the sea.

When the disciples saw Him walking on the sea, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost!” they said, and cried out in fear.

But Jesus immediately spoke up: “Take courage! It is I. Do not be afraid.”… (Matthew 14:25-27)

Can you see it here in Scripture?

The disciples had just experienced a big miracle with Jesus, the feeding of the 5000.  Jesus sent them on ahead to cross the lake. HE dismissed the crowd and then went to spend some time alone with His Daddy!

While the disciples were crossing the lake, they started to come off of their emotional high and Jesus was not in the boat with them.  A storm was stirring; they were scared; it was the middle of the night and they must have been bone-tire.  Fear was fracturing their filters left and right, probably as they noticed the “motion sensors-the fracture lines” splintering the wooden bow of their boat.

By the time they caught a glimpse of Jesus walking on the water, their fear-fractured filters had them acting a fool.  They started shouting absurdities, “It’s a ghost…” (who just happened to look just like JESUS-their best friend, teacher and SAVIOR!) I am wondering which one “grabbed the foot-stool” from the hull of the ship and started hurling things overboard in their irrational, but real nonetheless, fear!

We all know the rest of the story:

Peter, suddenly bold, said, “Master, if it’s really you, call me to come to you on the water.”

He said, “Come ahead.”

Jumping out of the boat, Peter walked on the water to Jesus. But when he looked down at the waves churning beneath his feet, he lost his nerve and started to sink. He cried, “Master, save me!”

Jesus didn’t hesitate. He reached down and grabbed his hand. Then he said, “Faint-heart, what got into you?”

The two of them climbed into the boat, and the wind died down. The disciples in the boat, having watched the whole thing, worshiped Jesus, saying, “This is it! You are God’s Son for sure!” Matthew 14: 28-33 MSG

Why am I reliving one of my many “fear-fractured filter” stories today?

Why am I retelling an extremely familiar Bible story?

The short answer is to build my faith and hopefully encourage yours. God was faithful then and HE will be faithful again!

The longer version:

When we look at the atmosphere of much our country right now, I think it becomes clear.  Our filters are out of whack, to say the least and the “motion sensors”, i.e. media, tend to send us into a tail spin.  Our filters are so fear-fractured that we are grabbing foot-stools left and right, hurling them out windows, breaking our nation apart like shattered glass and shredding ourselves up in the process.

Jesus is not a ghost. HE is alive; HE is here and HE is ever making the first move to come near. When we fix our eyes on HIM, the ONE real reality, we rise above the waves and become water-walkers. But when we fix our eyes on the “motion sensors” and demeanor of the masses in our boat, we freak out, and start sinking.

In light of my own personal “fear-fractured filter” moment, I see it this way.

Just like my calm, loving husband, whom I had mocked and pushed to the ground in an effort to SAVE THE NIGHT, took me by the self-inflicted, blooded, glass-cut arms and pulled me to himself, my Jesus, our Jesus, is calmly locking eyes with our FEAR-FRACTURED FILTERS, and sweetly offering to pull us out of the broken glass, up from the depths, and just be with us!

Jesus is telling our nation,

“Do not fear. I am here!”

Do we hear Him?

 

Do we believe HIM?

 

Do we believe that HIS PRESENCE is enough?

 

Will we let HIM help us out and up?

I do not want to hemorrhage in the broken glass or drown in the storm because I am too fearful to move or to prideful to admit I need help.

Our country (myself included) needs to be “moved to move”, not in our own physical strength but by taking the hand of the ONE who makes all things new. Our country needs to lay down our pride and admit we need help, not human help, but SUPERNATURAL HELP, the kind that

walks on water,

enables us to walk on water

and

remains ready to reach out and pull us from the ruins, ruins which result every time we shift our gaze from faith back to our FEAR-FRACTURED FILTERS!

If we are going to FROLIC IN THE FRACTURES, may we NOT choose FEAR-FRACTURES;

INSTEAD

may we choose a different Broken Way,

From Ann Voskamp’s The Broken Way:

If you feel too broken to be chosen … that’s right where you’re supposed to be. Your brokenness can make abundance.

Together, we can finally let our broken parts be met by His broken heart — and become a meaningful healing to a broken world.

Discover The Broken Way — the way to not be afraid of broken things.

Because Christ is redeeming everything.

There’s no other authentic way forward — but a broken way.

May today be one of many,

where our  FAITH TRUMPS OUR FEAR!

GoGod

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

About Katie Wilson

Where my faith and creativity collide! A freedom freelancer, prayerful painter and clarion for Christ. #amwriting #Compel Forgiven and Free Living a life that says: COME AND SEE!

3 Replies

  1. What a wonderful story! Thanks for sharing your moment of fear. This is not a time to fear because we are children of God.

  2. Wow!This is captivating and leads so well into the heart of scripture and the fearlessness we find when we surrender to Jesus who stands waiting there for us in the tumultuous seas of our lives and the fears that consume us! I’ve been really thinking of this fear issue during these uncertain and troubling times in our country, so your blog really speaks to me of where our gaze needs to be! So thankful you visited my blog today reading the book review, so I had a chance to meet you and read your wonderful writing!!! You have such robust energy in your writing!

  3. helloleahgrey

    Oh my goodness! I feel like I’ve done this a lot! Sound the alarm! I have a plan! And really, there’s not even real danger. Fear is such a tricky thing. It sneaks up on us and makes us believe things that we don’t even need to be afraid of. I was watching this show the other day (The Bachelor! LOL) and they went into a haunted house and there was a sweet girl from the south who simply said, with NO fear, “Listen, I didn’t sign up to be one of the ghostbusters. If I see one of them things, I’m just gonna rebuke it in the name of Jesus!”. That’s exactly how we should handle fear. I didn’t sign up for this. I’m just rebuking it in the name of Jesus. Loved your post!!!!!! Super encouraging 🙂

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