Have you ever been hooked on a feeling? 

I have!

In fishing terminology, “take” is when the fish actually becomes “hooked.” But a fish is not “caught” until it is “landed,” prevented from escape.

As believers, the enemy of our soul cannot “land” our soul but he can “hook” us pretty good, if we’re not alert and aware of his schemes. Satan can’t read our thoughts but he can study our behaviors enough to know our weaknesses and temptations. You better believe that he will customize lures for each one of us. It is nothing to fear but it is absolutely imperative to know…if we don’t want to be “hooked.”

And who would want that?

This is not a post about personality types but it is important to take them into consideration when getting to know the “lures” satan uses to hook.

**If you click my personality types, it will take you to some helpful links. They are simply good tools to have in our tool belt, tools that will help us navigate life, hopefully, as the best, most humble version of ourselves. (Check out Bob Goff while you are at it:)

As an INFP and a Enneagram Type 9 I am a conflict avoider, often called the mediator or peacemaker. Those titles may sound all good but they are most definitely riddled with their weaknesses of choice. Because I want to avoid conflict (almost) at all cost, I am prone to harbor feelings that would cause disruption or hard conversations. Emotions are not meant to be harbored. They are meant to be acknowledged, felt and then let go.

When I am hurt in a relationship, witness injustice or feel taken advantage of, I am aware of the fact that I will initially assume the best and chalk it off to broken, paranoid perception on my part. However, that is just code for “ignoring or stuffing.” Our emotions are meant to be indicators, not dictators. If ignored, they will come back with a vengeful gang and if stuffed, watch out, you will get blasted by shrapnel when the explosion comes. To forgive quickly is a virtue but it’s only true forgiveness if the “harbor is empty.” If even a dingy or canoe of resentment lingers, we will end up as the docking station for a full blown regatta!

One way that I process my feelings, my heart condition, is in writing. I literally “write my way out of darkness.” I have mounds of hand-written journals and I will continue to add to them until the Lord takes me home. But several years ago God asked me to “take the journey before the people.” (click HERE for more on why I started writing publicly:)  I said, “YES,” and that is why you are reading this perfectly, imperfect blog today.

I have processed grief, rejection, disappointment, confusion, joy etc… throughout the years here and today I am tackling “bitterness.”  “Writing out of darkness” is one of my personal forms of therapy. I acknowledge the emotion, feel it and then LET GO AND LET GOD!

I will be processing “bitterness” in poetry. I pray that you will walk with me to the end of each stanza; because, I promise, it ends well. If it can end well for me; it can end well for you. You may not process in poetry but you do need to process. And I highly recommend letting the Lord facilitate this “HEART PROCEDURE.”

***What prompted this post?  I am on staff at Lincoln Village Ministries . Inspired by Erin Gruwell and the original Freedom Writers, I get to process in pen alongside 3 of my “Dream Teamers” and a group of teen girls once a week. This piece was birthed out of our corporate writing time.

Blanket of Bitterness

When blankets of bitterness,

tangle up my heart,

I cannot find the light;

I’m paralyzed to start.

I’m covered in self-pity,

resentment and offense;

the shine in me snuffed out,

around yours I’ve built a fence.

When I feel entitled,

deserving more than what I see;

I’ve welcomed in a gang,

anger, hate and envy.

Gangs are counterfeit,

imitation family.

What you hope to get,

is not what you will see. 

Temporary membership

offering false hope at best.

What started out as good,

is disappointing like the rest.

When a gang comes together,

and fakes a place of peace,

Built on sand that’s prone to shift,

crumbling will not cease. 

And when the storm

decides to blow,

the glass house of bitterness

has nowhere else to go.

The glass breaks

and the structure caves;

Bitter is no substitute 

for brave.

Once again the world has shown

it’s safer when you’re never known;

loneliness is better than

rejection in the face of man.

SO,

I’ll keep the mask 

and the bitter shroud;

I’ll drown out the voices 

that scream so loud.

BUT,

then I realize

in my chamber made for one,

the loudest, proudest voices

from me, they come.

How did this happen?

I thought I knew the way.

But I’ve only made it worse,

isolated day by day.

THEN,

I hear a tiny whisper

and it doesn’t sound like me.

When it starts to speak,

self-pity starts to flee.

Quiet words of peace

kick offense out the door;

And messages of hope

knock resentment to the floor.

Supernatural joy

begins dousing angry flames;

A Comforter replaces covers;

there’s no one left to blame.

He’s left no room to wallow

in the powder keg of hate;

He looks me in the eye

and says it’s not too late.

“You belong among the wildflowers”

that rise from wildfire ash;

God does not make mistakes;

we’re His treasure; we’re not trash.

He gives me just a glimmer 

of the gang that’s held me down;

one by one He pulls them off

and then bestows a crown.

Bitterness and resentment

are nowhere to be found;

offense and self-pity

no longer have me bound.

The blanket of bitterness 

is untangled from my heart.

Although this poem’s ending,

this is where I start! 

__________________________________________

I would love to hear from you.

How do you process your emotions? 

Are you alert and aware of how the enemy of our soul specifically lures you in, his hooks? 

If so, what are some of the ways you escape the “landing?”

***One of my favorite books, with regards to revealing and beating the schemes of the enemy, is “The Screwtape Letters” by C.S. Lewis. I highly recommend it if you have not already read it.